I had an interesting thought the other night, as I sometime do (this is in between my regular night time discussion with myself about how weird it is that we have a room in all of our homes that we enter with the specific purpose of becoming unconscious for 6-8 hours every night. Isn’t it weird? We are completely vulnerable – I don’t know how any of us sleep.
But enough about my nighttime insomniac ramblings – I’ve digressed.
As you’re all aware, I’ve tried my best to maintain a cooperative relationship with my ex – but the professionals we’ve been involved with have helped us to develop a parenting plan which minimizes our exposure to each other as much as possible. Given my ex tries to ramp up the conflict at every meeting – it’s better for both of us and for the children if we don’t see each other.
Truthfully – although I’d like to have a personable relationship with my children’s father – I acknowledge that given his personality, it isn’t possible. I’m happy that I don’t have to occupy the same physical space as my ex husband any more. At this point, the idea of being within five metres of him even makes my skin crawl. I actually have a PTSD-like physical reaction to his proximity.
He contributes to it. When we do have occasion to meet, he goes out of his way to make me uncomfortable. He’s even gone so far as to makes faces and occasionally sticks out his tongue – even if we’re in the room with a professional if he thinks the other person isn’t looking (the parenting coordinator saw it once, and he also did it with the staff at the children’s school).
So yes – it’s great that we don’t have to occupy the same physical space – we don’t live in the same house – and he can’t regularly use his physical presence to intimidate me, I regularly allow him the luxury of living inside my head.
And it’s time to evict him.
From now on, it’s my personal mission to evict my ex husband from my random thoughts. From this day forward, I will think of him less and less every day until (hopefully) he completely disappears.
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