Co-Parenting and Sick Kids…

So…poor Puck has been feeling poorly since Saturday afternoon.  He’s been mostly OK, taking in a normal amount of fluids, but not eating much, and a low grade fever.  Some minor vomiting.  But as today is a transfer day, I had to let my ex know last night as he’d have to make arrangements for Puck to come into his custody – it’s his day.

This is the e-mail I sent:

Heads up – Puck has been feeling poorly since about noon yesterday. He’s had a low grade fever, is feeling achy, is not very hungry and has thrown up twice. He’s also complaining of headache. 

He’s managing to eat a little and is keeping up his fluids. He’s also been very tired and sleeping a lot. I understand one of his school friends has been vomiting since yesterday as well – I suspect it’s just a stomach bug. 

Given it’s after six now and he’s still got a temperature, I don’t want to send him to school tomorrow. Please confirm you’re able to take him in the morning and I’ll drop him to you before work. 

If he still has a fever tomorrow he should likely see the doctor to check for signs of infection or other issues.

A normal co-parent would say something along the lines of – “Thank you for updating me.  Of course I’ll be home in the morning, please bring him and keep me updated.”

As we all know, the Goblin King is not a normal co-parent.

I got back:

Did you call (the local nursing line) or take him too the after hour clinic at (the hospital)? I’m not overly interested in what you thing <sic> he has.   

Every. Damn. Thing.  Every. One.

Has to be an argument.

I’m a poor mother.  I can’t handle a bit of a stomach bug.  I should take him to the ER immediately on presentment of symptoms.  It’s probably Mad Cow Disease.  Or Cancer.

I didn’t take the bait.  I waited until this morning and prompted him again.

Puck is still feeling poorly.

Per my previous email can you confirm that you’re able to take Puck this morning if i drop him off?

If I haven’t heard from you by 7 I will make alternate arrangements for his care today. He cannot go to school. 

And I got back:

I’m not sure why you would think you need make other plans with Puck and his care? As it is my custody day.  

As per my tex, drop off Puck. You didn’t confirm or make clear this point?   

I try.  I try so hard not to respond to the bait.  But I was up at midnight and again at four with a sick child.  And my asshole of an ex was clearly more concerned about fighting with me than about caring for his child.

So I responded:

Sorry – I forgot about your issues with reading comprehension. I am well aware that you do not expect to pick up the children until after school, which is why my original email said (fairly plainly) “Please confirm you’re able to take him in the morning and I’ll drop him to you before work.” Your subsequent email provided no such confirmation which is why I asked again. 

And, because he texted me twice asking me when I’d get there while I was on the way to drop Puck off because it was past the 8:15 drop off time:

For your future reference – as the children don’t have before care, I can’t drop them off at school until 8am – which makes it impossible for me to get to your home before 8:30. If this happens again – please do not expect to see the children before 8:30. 

To be clear – we were there at 8:23 because we dropped Flower off a few minutes early.   And I was already late for work and doing him a favor by dropping him off.

I called the doctor’s office first thing this morning and provided a detailed description of his symptoms.  The Goblin King won’t be able to.  It’s easier just to do it myself.  And I assume he’ll still be fixated on the “He’s dying – why didn’t his mother take him to the hospital” thing.

This is my life now.  All the time.  I can’t escape.  I’m feeling overwhelmed.  I can’t do any better than I am.  I’m trying so hard not to respond to the bait.  I know it doesn’t get me anywhere.  But I’ve tried everything else (aside from hiring a piano plane) – and nothing works.  I’m feeling frustrated and alone.

Image credit (edited) by artur84 / freedigitalphotos.net

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