I didn’t write about it here…but at Christmas, the Goblin King and I had another wobble. Although we have a very specific holiday agreement, it’s not in the court order. And although I strive wherever possible to ensure that we’re both on the same page well in advance of each of the holidays, the Goblin King isn’t organized enough to handle it, which often muddles things. This year, with less than a week to go before Christmas, he suggested that if I didn’t agree to his suggested holiday schedule, we’d revert to the court order and he’d keep the children Christmas Day.
It meant that I had a headache the entire week before Christmas, and I truly wasn’t sure until Christmas Eve whether or not I’d have the children Christmas Day as planned. Although I had a firm footing – the only way to ensure it if he kept the kids on Christmas Day was to go through the police. And the last thing I ever want is to have the police involved with the children over Christmas.
I called his bluff anyway though, and in the end, I agreed that we could revisit the Christmas schedule in the new year. With the parenting coordinator.
I’ve had some life things going on – and it wasn’t an urgent issue, so I delayed parenting coordination until now. Unlike the last time, I think I’m more prepared going in. I’ve exchanged a few e-mails with the parenting coordinator, and after some initial misunderstandings, she’s agreed to see us for “parenting coaching”. It’s not quite as firm as I’d like it – but the opportunity to talk things out with a third party who has been involved with us before will hopefully work out better than the last time. At the very least, I’m limiting my costs.
At this point, my strategy is to go in with a set agenda. We have a few things to discuss in addition to the holiday agreement, including summer vacation planning (which was also a giant headache last year). I’ve put it out there, asking the Goblin King for any issues he thinks we need to discuss. His answer?
As my list contains, a too z of topics. Whether new or up coming. Yes we may discuss what you have outlined but my list will not be so, should I say limited.
Regardless – I’m not tied to the process as I was the last time. I’m not contractually obligated to pay for anything beyond my half for the appointment. And I’m more than willing to walk out if it appears that he’s going to sidetrack the discussions with his concerns about how I cut the children’s hair, or rehashing things we’ve already decided.
All things being equal, while I’m not looking forward to being in a room with him again, I am hopeful that we can make some decisions which will make my life over the next year a little less stressful. Not confident. But hopeful. And maybe that’s what we need. An annual appointment to get us on the same page related to vacation, holidays, and any other things that aren’t “solid” in the court order.
Are you divorced? How do you handle the little disagreements? Do you have a third party – or are you able to have those discussions with your ex?
Image Credit: David Castillo Dominici / freedigitalphotos.net