When I first remarried, a co-worker of myself and my husband remarked, “your husband must be very patient if he’s willing to take on you and your children.” I found the comment incredibly insulting. Granted, I was a bit of a wreck after my divorce and the car accident but my husband and I have always felt very lucky to have found each other. He’s never found me and my children to be a burden and took us on willingly.
Even my uncle, a staunch Christian asked what I was teaching my children by moving in with a man without the benefit of a marriage certificate. I replied that I was teaching them that life doesn’t just stop because you’re getting a divorce. You have to keep moving. My marriage to their father was over long before the paperwork was filed. And more significantly, I was teaching them that their mother was not only worthy of being loved but also deserving of respect—much more than I had ever taught them while married to their father.
When you start a new relationship, it’s really important to start off on a steady footing. If you’ve got baggage (emotional or otherwise), it’s important to unpack it and lay it bare. That way each of you can assess the viability of a relationship and whether there’s a future there or not.
I do acknowledge that in marrying me, my husband took on a lot of baggage. But we both gained so much from our marriage. Read more about my experiences with baggage as I prepared to remarry at DivorcedMoms.com.
Do friends and family make you feel like you have less to offer a potential new mate? How do you unpack all of that baggage?
This post originally appeared on Live By Surprise in February 2014. It has been updated.5