I started this blog to help me to come to terms with my out of control co-parenting issues. It was supposed to help me to hold my tongue with my ex—because I’d done all of my ranting here.
But yesterday, I didn’t do that.
Yesterday, my daughter got sick at about four in the morning. My ex took her to the hospital because she had a fever and he had no idea what to do. He never does.
And I can’t control that.
And he’s never going to call me to ask what to do if I keep telling him what a horrible parent he is.
But I did it anyway. I fed the beast. I couldn’t help myself.
I am ashamed of myself. I should know better. I should be better. I’m not sure why I keep falling into the “bitter” trap. I should know better than to poke the bear. While it’s entertaining when he dances, it’s not worth the violent roar.
The one thing you should never do when dealing with a narcissist—especially one who needs others to think highly of him, is to suggest that you think less of him. And that others think less of him. Even if you do, and they do.
It will never, ever, end well.
Because he’s an asshat. And that’s not going to change. The only thing I can change is me.
And I should know that by now.
Another learning moment. Next time, I will do better. I will remember how I feel today. I will disengage. I will hold my tongue. I will remember what is important. And I will let go of the rest.
This is my promise to myself. For today and for tomorrow. I forgive me. I will do better. Next time.
