I’ve done it!! I’ve finally replaced all those nasty memories in my brain with enough happy memories!! The bad ones are fading!! It’s been over six years – and I feel as though now I can officially say that I’ve moved on!
My wedding anniversary to my first husband is coming up next week. I saw a poster for an Easter event at our local library, and thought…hmmm…that date is familiar. Our anniversary was on that date. And then I thought…no, it was the day after. And then…I wasn’t completely sure. I’m still not completely sure. I haven’t looked it up to remind myself. I don’t want to know. I don’t care. I think it was only the first year after we split that the date stuck in my head. And quite frankly, I celebrated with an extra glass of wine. I didn’t really dread getting through it, but the reminder that I was once married to the man who (at the time, and now for that matter) continues to give me grief over the co-parenting of our children…that was painful.
And I usually remember dates. I can tell you when all my in-laws birthdays are still. Mostly. I always forget the exact date for my ex-sister-in-law, but I still know what week it is.
I tell the kids when one of their aunts or uncles or cousins or grandparent’s birthday is coming up. For their sakes…and because my ex doesn’t remember them. I tell them to tell my nieces (yes, I don’t call them my ex-nieces…I didn’t divorce them), Happy Birthday from me. Even if the family doesn’t talk to me anymore (and believe me, there’s enough water under the bridge that I really don’t want to talk to them either), I think it’s important for my children to have ties to his family. Whether he takes the time to foster them or not.
I’ve digressed. I was talking about forgetting my time with my ex. After my blog about planning for summer vacations with the Goblin King (no, that’s still not settled yet), my husband asked me about how I spent my vacation time when I was with my ex. And beyond a few international vacations in the first four years of our ten-year marriage, I could not remember. After 9/11, my ex wouldn’t step on a plane again. And truly, that was ok. He had a bad phobia of planes, and was a complete nightmare both before and after every flight.
I had at least a month vacation every year from 2002-2008, and I can’t tell you how I spent them. I flew to Florida with my mother and sister and family in 2004 (and my ex drove up to meet me – which is probably fodder for a future blog). But that’s only one week. Out of a possible 28 weeks.
I’m sure there are photos in my basement – and I could probably piece it together, but I’m not unhappy that I can’t remember.
There are two annivesaries I do still remember. The day I left. And the day (a month later) when I went back to get all my stuff. Which cemented my leaving – I couldn’t go back after that day. No return. Both, in my mind, very happy memories (even though they were painful and I was very conflicted). I am so glad I went through them. And I celebrate those days still.
And so now…I’ll go on with my day. And continue to make new, happy memories. Ding dong. Those memories are dead.
How about you? Do you remember every anniversary and birthday? What about vacation? Are those memories fading for you too?