I read a blog this week from a SAHM who was admonishing divorced mothers and step moms for blogging about their troubles. She suggested, in general, that if you don’t have something nice to say, you shouldn’t say it at all. She suggested that the potential for damaging the relationship with your ex (or your spouse’s ex) and your children (or stepchildren) by laying yourself bare on the internet (as a divorced woman) was too great.
I’m not going to point a finger at the particular blogger, but I must admit, it really got me angry. I know it wasn’t directed at me specifically, but in general, I fit into that category. I blog about my divorce. I blog about my ex-husband. I blog about my co-parenting issues. And sometimes, I don’t have nice things to say.
I write because:
- I need to vent. And I can’t do it to my friends and family all the time. It gets tiring and repetitive. And quite frankly, this is a lot cheaper than therapy.
- Sometimes, my readers offer my helpful suggestions. Ones that I hadn’t thought of before, and that I can really take to the bank.
- I am not the only one who goes through this. I know what it’s like to feel alone. If my blog reaches one person and makes them feel less alone, then I’ve done my job. And if it makes them smile too, then they’ve made my day.
I’ve gone to extreme lengths to ensure not only my privacy but also that of my family and of my ex-husband. I use pseudonyms for everyone (even the dog!). I’ve never mentioned where I live, I have touched on school issues, but never named the school, the school board, or the county in which the school exists. For all y’all know, I could be blogging from North Korea.And I’m sure there was just one or two posts that set this young lady off. But really? That means all divorced moms and step moms shouldn’t post? Don’t throw us all under the bus for something you didn’t agree with.
And this particular blogger, although she thinks all the things she has to say about others are “positive”, also puts up details of her family life and routines. Pictures of herself and her family. She names names, provides locations.And I don’t want to point any fingers but…
The truth is, if used properly, the internet is a useful device for both providing and receiving information. I’ve learned so very much since I started my journey online. I wish sometimes that I’d figured it out sooner. But, positive or negative, there’s a lot of information that you can learn from bloggers and their life experiences. And truthfully, sometimes their negative experiences can help you make your own negatives more positive.
And frankly, I’m not against you naming names and posting pictures and locations. We all post whatever we’re comfortable with. My level of comfort with my situation may be completely different than yours. And you’re welcome to it. But don’t throw stones at me if your house is made of glass.
I’m really sorry if I’ve offended any SAHM or other mommy bloggers out there. As writers, we ALL must be cognizant of the words we’re writing and where they end up. Not just divorced women and step-moms. “Positive” or “Negative”, every single one of us is providing any type information that has the potential, at some point, to bite us in the butt if we’re not careful. I, for one, take this extremely seriously. And if you’re a writer, and a mom, or a parent, I hope that you do too.
I’ve been stewing about something similar all day today and wondering off I should write out my thoughts. I just might do it. I was struck by how people who claim to be conpassionate supporters of all people can so easily resort to hateful statements about those who did not follow their agenda. Disagree. Hate the politics or the actions. Don’t spew hateful speech sure yes at individuals. That’s not compassion. Ugh.
I don’t think I’ve ever read anything here by you that wasn’t honest. You speak facts, not hateful insults. That deserves respect.