My Life Needs a Laugh Track

My Life Needs a Laugh Track

Okay…okay.  I know that I said I’d always be open and tell my kids the truth when it came to sex and their questions.

But kids sometimes ask questions that you don’t expect – right?  

My niece was up this week (my sister lives out of state and she comes for a week or two in the summer).  We were eating watermelon and she said – I used to think that a watermelon would grow in my stomach if I ate the seeds.

That was me.  I told her that.  When she was about four, I may have even pointed at a pregnant woman and told her that’s what happened.

It’s OK – she never ate the seeds.  So she didn’t sit up nights wondering if she was growing a watermelon.  I swear.  

OK.  Not my finest moment.

Regardless…sometimes we just do that.  As aunts.  As mothers.  We may fudge the truth to amuse ourselves.  

As I also did this week with Flower.

OK – this part is going to get slightly graphic.  I’m going to give you the chance to turn off.

Still with me?

Ok.

Are you sure?

Here it goes.  So Flower and I were in the mall and I had to (just had to) go to the bathroom.  As Flower is only six – I don’t like to leave her outside the stall if it’s really busy (and this was the downtown mall, not the nice burb mall we usually go to).  So I made her come in with me.  Of course…I was on my period and instead of just jabbering away and looking elsewhere – Flower happened to see that there was red in the toilet.  She didn’t ask about it – she just said – Oh mommy, your pee is red.

We were in a mall bathroom mind you.  A not very nice mall bathroom either.

So I just said, Well look at that, yes it is.  OK.  Let’s go wash our hands.

And it worked.  She let it go.  That was about a month ago.

Until last night.  She came into the bathroom as I was on the toilet.  (I don’t know why I can’t go alone. It would be nice to go alone for once.)

Mommy – remember that time when your pee was red?  How did you do that mommy?

Really?  Can you get a better opener?

I couldn’t resist.  She didn’t ask why it was red.  She asked how.

So…I told her that red was my favourite colour that week.  I like purple sometimes, and green.  There was that one week I did blue.  But it was red that week.

Her eyes got pretty big.  Really?  How did you do that?  

Why – can’t you do it?  I do it all the time.

So of course, she’s trying to get me off the toilet to see what my favourite colour is this week.

I think it’s just yellow this time.  Sorry – it’s been a long day.  I was too tired to think about it.

And of course, we’d been to the beach that day.  And I hadn’t changed since I got home.  So as I get off the toilet, in addition to the yellow – there is sand on the bottom.

Oh my mommy.  I guess you weren’t that tired.  Look – sparkles!!

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