Letter to My Ex

This week, I was invited by Vicki Shemin, a Collaborative Attorney/Mediator/Therapist and Professor to participate in a survey about my divorce and write a letter to my ex (more info here) for inclusion in a book. If you’re recently divorced – I invite you to stop by and fill out the survey too.

Dear Ex:

I’ve told every single person that you’ve involved in our divorce that I know that you love our children. I wonder sometimes though if you hate me more.

I am not your friend, but I am also not your enemy.

I hope that we have the same goal – to raise happy and healthy children. I wish that we could somehow agree how to make that happen. I wish that you could see that going into defensive mode every single time something needs to be discussed just makes things more difficult and gets in the way of our ability to communicate with each other.

I don’t regret marrying you. The experiences that we shared have been invaluable to me. I have learned so much. And I have two beautiful children – how could I regret the marriage that resulted in the loves of my life. I am thankful every day.
The years since I’ve left have also taught me that I made the right decision. I know now that the children are more likely to thrive without the mess that our relationship was (is) hanging over their heads. I think that if you were able to come to that realization, you might be able to heal and move on. Truly, I wish nothing more than that for you.

I wish you peace.

From the Mother of Your Children

Image Credit: (Edited) anankkm / freedigitalphotos.net

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  1. I don’t regret my marriage either, and I hope, so much, that it is the best thing for my child in the long run.

  2. My letter would most definitely be short and sweet. And like you, I have no regrets because I have also grown from my experiences. Unfortunately, I wrote my ex many letters in the course of our marriage, and we could never connect on an emotional level reasons that aren’t really worth discussing. I do think letter writing is cathartic, and I have used the process of writing to heal my own heart.
    This was a lovely letter. Thanks for showing us that not all pain has to be pointless.

    1. Author

      I think that if you’re smart, you always learn from pain. It may mean less pain in the future.

  3. Such a good attitude. It must be so hard trying to achieve balance for your children when conflict and animosity can’t be left behind. But you can’t control how other people react and behave, can you? Only do your best with your own attitude, & it sounds like you are.

  4. I was a little nervous reading this since there are so many bitter divorced people in this world, but your post was a refreshing change of pace. I was divorced over 25 years ago and share your sentiments. It wasn’t easy but children and their needs must come first. I commend you for keeping such a positive perspective.

    1. Author

      Thank you. There are a lot of bitter people out there. I’m trying very hard not to become one.

  5. Getting this sort of thing down on paper can be extremely therapeutic. Well written.

  6. such a thoughtful response to a difficult situation – it’s always tough when one parent seems to be more forgiving than the other – seeking resolution is so hard in that case.

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