My life now seems to go in a continuous cycle. Not in a bad way, like a merry-go-round that never stops. It’s now like I’m on a road with two paths in front of me and a map of where I’ve been. I keep looking at the map for clues to where I should be going. I took a proverbial left at Albuquerque, and that’s how I ended up here. What if next time I take a right?
I’m speaking of course about the “mess” that is my co-parenting relationship.
I had an e-mail exchange last week that I was preparing to write to you all about. As I read over what I’d written, I had a bit of a revelation. As much as I’d like to blame the Goblin King for all of my problems, part of the issue was that I wasn’t listening. I was reacting.
It’s a very difficult thing to recognize in the heat of the moment. When your temper is flaring and he’s “doing it again”, it’s hard to stop, take a breath, and realize what’s going on. It’s much easier to point in his direction and lay blame.
In this case, I was writing to you all to tell you that I was asking questions about Puck’s health and he wasn’t giving me answers. But as I reread his responses, I realized that some of the answers were actually there. They were buried, they weren’t straightforward, but they were there. I was so intent on proving that he was not communicating, and I didn’t hear them. The very same issue that I regularly suggest he suffers from.
How can I expect him to change his behavior if I don’t recognize it in myself?
I’ve decided to take a step back from my communications from now on. I will ask the questions and accept his answers, even if they’re not what I expect. As long as the children aren’t in danger, I need to stop expecting him to communicate the way I think he should, and let him communicate the way he does.
The road map I have shows a series of left turns that just lead me back to where I was. I need to turn right and see if this new road will lead me to where I want to go.
|Image Credit: (Edited) phanlop88|