I Refused to Say I Love You Because I Didn't Mean It

The process of falling in (or out) of love with someone can be very complicated. The movies make it all about that one moment where two people’s eyes meet across a room and there’s an instant connection. I’ve found that in practice, this is rarely true—and it certainly never has been in my case.

I think that the more common feeling of “lust” is probably more often than not mistaken for love. Our hormones heat us up, make us feel like we should have a connection, when sometimes the only connection is our biological clocks are colliding. While I’m sure there is some inherent biological component that pushes us towards a “compatible” mate, I have to wonder if biological compatibility necessarily translates to emotional compatibility.

When in the initial stages of my relationship with Hubs, even our first kiss was not based on love so much as lust. We’d had a lovely dinner, and if I’m completely honest, I went out with him with one purpose in mind. Not that he wasn’t suitable husband material, but more that I wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship at the time. After getting out of my last relationship, I wasn’t sure if I would ever be in the market for another.

But such is the nature of “love” and “lust.”. Hubs has admitted to me that he also had one purpose in mind on our first date—and it wasn’t the same as mine (although mine wasn’t unwelcome). After working with me for some time, he had come to the conclusion that a potential relationship was not out of the question and he wanted to explore it. Even knowing that I had two kids in tow didn’t dissuade him.

In truth, in the end, he wasn’t wrong. (And if you’re reading this honey, yes, I did just admit that you’re right.) We are a very compatible couple both intellectually and emotionally as well as physically. I think sometimes the ability to make that type of analysis comes with a bit of maturity and a few false swings. Or possibly, it’s just dumb luck. What do I know?

But for me, my Facebook status stayed single for a while after even Hubs said those three little words – I love you. And I’m lucky in the end that he had the patience and the forethought to know that I’d come around eventually.

What do you think? Did you say I love you before you were ready because you felt you had to? Or did you wait until you were sure?


  1. I recall saying it when I didn’t mean it but I was very young and not really understanding it ๐Ÿ˜› I also recall a Beau who always said it and I did not once reciprocate the sentiment. With my ex, I don’t even know who said it first. It wasn’t said very often in our marriage. With my husband now, we say it often (almost every day) and it’s the most natural thing in the world. Great topic, Liv. Interesting your story of how you and your husband met ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. I believe there is no love at first sight kind of thing exists. I first look is always an attraction whether you call it lust or simple attraction.

  3. I had red flags – we both said “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you”…shoulda known!

    That said, since then, I’ve said “I love you” and meant it, and had it meant back…then a patch of lust took over and WOW…and then nope, but we still do love each other, so there’s that.

  4. Love this post!! So glad you and hubs found each other <3
    And no, I never said the three little words unless i felt them…and i definitely had my dose of false swings before I figured out that the love i thought i deserved was not really love, but that's a wholly different story.
    <3 <3 <3

  5. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation where I didn’t feel it back, although I was only the first to say it once! With Cassidy!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *