When considering divorce, a major deciding factor is sometimes the amount of time that you get to spend with your children. After all, you only have approximately eighteen years together (more or less) – and after divorce, you might suddenly find that you’ve reduced your time by half (depending on your custody agreement). In my case, I knew that our quality of life would increase after the divorce was completed – but the quantity of time decreased.
Of late, I’ve been struggling with the amount of time I get to spend with the kids. It seems like I’m constantly taking them from place to place, or spending time on other things like homework – and not actually getting to spend any quality time with them. I’ve written a bit about this struggle today on DivorcedMoms.com.
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“And although my pennies were reduced by half – their value suddenly increased.” Beaitifully crafted statement with such poignancy.
In truth, doing chores together is an essential part of shared time and imparts a valuable life lesson over the long haul (think of their future spouses). Kids need to learn to do some chores, even if you have them part-time. That way, the time you have with them is more “normal” and you won’t feel the pressure to assume the role of full-time entertainment committee. Shared time is cumulative..an hour here or there tidying up one’s room or helping rake the leaves is small compared to the time you will share together over the years.
They do. I make sure that we all do them together and it’s still family time.
Hugs, Liv! The days are long–the years are short. I can’t believe I’ve blinked and my oldest is in fourth grade. I feel your bittersweetness–the time spent with activities and friends and sleepovers. Which are divvied up mostly on my time because you know who is all about himself and his time. And I do similar things, if there’s an invitation and I have the kids, I weigh if it is kid-friendly or not, and usually do not go unless we can all be together.
But I remember my childhood filled with spending time with friends and staying up all night giggling with my girlfriends and slumber parties–and I think, gosh I can give that to my DD1 and to DD2 someday when she’s old enough. ANd being a mom is a life-long journey–these precious moments will just continue to grow and thrive into the future, as they are adults, and maybe one day.
Maybe. One day. Thanks Jane.
That was one of the hardest adjustments for me, Liv! Great topic. I’ll pop over to DM.
Thank you Lisa!
I know it’s so hard to find time to do most things in this world, but splitting time with your ex, AND the kids are growing up and need to do other things besides see you on your time..it’s hard. BUT, all kids go through the time off of parents phase, its all part of it;)
It is indeed. Thanks Lindsay!!